| | This is a long and boring rant; consider this a warning.
you know, there are rare to none of the things i've done that i will ever regret. but if it was one to admit, it would be for learning and thinking that ditching school is ever okay. it wasted a lot of my time and although i've got the pleasure in sleeping in and going home early, it was never worth it in the long term. But at that moment, when i ditch, it was all worth it. I am trying to tell myself to stop living for the moment but to live for the future. Unfortunately, i still can't. I still can't grasp the concept that in the long run, all the hard work of studying and attending classes would be benefical to my future. I dread attending class, i dread going back to class, awkward, after not being there for almost a month. I dread the awful feeling to think I would fail a class, when im not expecting it. (it feels like you got fired from work unexpectedly, and is in desperate need of money. [it was from a dream])
Middle school, i can't say i was the smartest but damn i never had anything below a C. And i kept my C's to a minimum. A good student, i was never even late. i attended every class did all my homework. I was proud of the grades i had. even though i never got rewarded for it, it was well worth it!(Not that i am encouraging that kids should get rewarded, but sometimes it works as a motivation!) Wow, do i miss the good 'ol days!
Maybe it is because i am always so fortunate and lucky with my classes that i can't see the reality that my luck will just run out on me one day. Since i learned the art of ditching, it was nothing but chaos in my life; worrying about if i would pass class. I merely passed high school; with striaght Ds and one A, also a night class, inches away from graduating in the summer. I bombed my math840 finals and barely finish the online homework, but still ended up with a C in the class. I passed history with a B but failed every single mulitple choice quiz and nearly got dropped from class because of attendence. My english teacher for the summer was a complete bitch, I got critized like no tommorow on each essay I turned in and received C's on all of them, but I ended up with a B in the class. Maybe i am smart but i let my laziness get in the way. or maybe im just so lucky that all my teachers pity me in some way or another. Either way, this has spoiled me into believeing that i can get everything to go my way if i just believe it.
Lesson of the day? Don't ever let your future kids(if any) learn about ditching and make sure they chose their friends wisely. i will never forget the first time i ditched school and with who. If it weren't for them and the motivation-less me; i could've been in a happier state than i am at now.
At least there is still time to fix this problem, as soon as i learn that living for the moment is not worth it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOON PLZ. or someone come pick me up to go class with them!! :D
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| | Posted 12/2/2008 1:17 AM - 20 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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